Who Defines Normal? And What is Their Authority?

The world as we know has diversified tremendously especially in the past century. Things like women in lines of work that men usually occupied, more openly gay people etc. So how do we define a person as normal. The answer people usually go to would be the kind of people from their society or clique. With all these different forms of communities shows diversity, but yet still today all we see in the news if white cop kills black man, women make 20% less then men in the same exact job. It is hard to see who writes these norms and who controls them. In the end of the day people still follow them so is it our fault or the people in "charge." In Judith Butler's video clip she stats that "It seems to me that we are talking about an extremely deep panic or fear, an anxiety that pertains to gender norms." Some people might see something or someone that does not match the norms that they are used to and might cause them to be uncomfortable about it. People might take this discomfort or anger to the extreme as try to maybe show that this certain group is better then yours and you should be like us. Not everyone takes this route though some understand people's differences and accepts them. So people that do act out like the clip with Butler and do things like killing that boy because he was "different." I think people like this feel as if their power is threatened and that someone being different from them challenges that power.
All people should be willing to accept the diversity this world brings us. People should not have to worry whether they fit in, but worry about other matters like what major they want in college. People should not have anxiety on whether someone accepts me because I walk or talk differently.